


Understanding

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: Malice Mizer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 09:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13544724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: Mana always stormed off upset after this game but tonight Kami decided to follow him.





	Understanding

            As Kami sat in the VIP section of the club, he felt like a celebrity. Malice Mizer were going up in the world and though fame wasn't the reason why Kami played drums, or something he inspired to, he knew that the more fans they had the bigger and grander the lives would become. This was a good thing that was happening and the whole band were in high spirits.

            Besides Kami sat Mana, dressed up as neither man or woman tonight, as a statement of he 'Prison of Gender' or whatever he had called it tonight. Kami had long since stopped listening to Mana's opinions on gender restraints, as he had never felt such things before. Since when had his gender stopped him doing anything he wanted to? If he wanted to wear pink he'd wear pink, he loved to shop so he did, if he wanted to sleep with a man he could. Not every man, but he supposed a woman had the same problem. There would always be people who weren't interested but you just had to move on and find somebody that was. With his handsome face and friendly, but shy, personality Kami had never struggled to find a partner, in fact men tended to find him.

            On Kami's other side sat Yu~ki, who was making a statement about the 'Restraints of Age' by dressing in an old men's clothes whilst carrying a walking stick and acting like a young man. Now this Kami did understand, the bassist was mocking Mana and though everyone else at the table was well aware of this fact, Mana himself wasn't.

            Kami always had liked Yu~ki. He was honest and easy going, as well as being dependable and kind hearted. He was a good friend and co-worker and it was Yu~ki who had convinced Kami to join the band. What Kami liked best about Yu~ki was that he never put on airs and graces, his personality was simple and easy to understand and in short Yu~ki was a good guy.

            On Mana's other side sat Közi who, for tonight, had gone for a hippy look. 'I just felt like it' Közi explained which was such a typical comment from the guitarist, that Kami had only smiled in response. Közi was probably the most spontaneous of the group, whilst being the most stable. Közi never changed, he was always just Közi. Living for the moment and enjoying life as best he could.

            Across the table sat the band’s vocalist Tetsu, a little bit further away from the others but that was starting to become more and more common lately. Tetsu was drifting away from the group and Kami hoped it was just because he needed his own space, though in is heart he knew that probably wasn't the case.

            “Let's play a game,” Yu~ki suggested. “The secrets game.”

            “Not this game!” Mana complained. “It always ends with people falling out.”

            “No, it usually ends with you storming off,” Yu~ki corrected. “But you’re not going to do that today.”

            “I don't storm off! I am forced to leave by people acting like childish idiots.” Mana corrected.

            “Let's just keep the secrets small,” Kami suggested. “Like 'name a food that nobody knows you love’.”

            “That would work.” Tetsu agreed.

            “But that's not even a real secret,” Yu~ki replied. “How about 'Name something you like about the woman you currently have a crush on.'”

            “Or man.” Kami corrected.

            “Even a gay man must have a woman he likes best.” Yu~ki replied. He never had quite understood the concept of homosexuality.

            “Yeah. His mother.” Kami replied.

            “There's no woman out there that you admire?” Yu~ki asked.

            “This is dumb!” Kami said with a sigh. “A girl at a café the other day had a really nice smile.”

            “See you can play!” Yu~ki declared happily.

            “Yeah, though her boyfriend had a really sexy ass.” Kami added, getting a glare from the bassist who continued to interrogate the others. Really that was all the secrets game was, Yu~ki trying to get gossip out of his band mates. It often worked, it had been this game that had dragged out the information that Kami was gay the very first time they had played it.

 

            Several drinks later the questions were getting more intense and as if on cue one came up that offended Mana so much that he stormed off in a mood. As always this was declared the end of the game and conversation turned onto Mana's dramatics. Not for the first time Kami began to feel a little sorry for the guitarist. He had a secretive personality and a game like this, that demanded him to share intimate details, was just too much.

            “I'm going to go and find him.” Kami declared, getting a few surprised looks as he got up. It'd been a long time since anybody had bothered to go after Mana but tonight there was something telling Kami that he should. Perhaps it was the question that had been asked tonight that had triggered the response from Kami.

            Mana was outside the club alone on a balcony, staring out over the city with a lonely expression on his face. Once again Kami felt pity well up inside of him but he made no effort to comfort Mana, instead he stared out at lights to, wondering what he should say. To act like this to 'when was the last time you were kissed' could only have one answer, a long time ago. 'It must be hard for a man like Mana to find somebody to understand him' Kami thought, realising exactly how he was going to handle this situation.

            “You know, I realised I was gay when I was just twelve,” Kami commented, getting no response but not expecting one. “I was so scared, I thought I was a freak. All the other boys were starting to have these feelings for women they didn't understand but I only felt like that when I looked at pictures of men in my music magazines. It was a crush on an older guy that made me drop guitar and start playing drums you know. But the thing is, I've always been shy and I never told anyone, not once. I thought people would hate me for being gay, so I stayed silent. Around me boys were one by one getting girlfriends but still I remained quiet. I finally admitted the truth when I was sixteen but nobody understood. They blamed it on my shyness, or like Yu~ki couldn't understand the concept. They told me I was being silly but I wasn't. It took me a long time to meet another gay man my own age. He was totally wrong for me but I was so desperate to be loved I accepted his advances eagerly.”

            “Is there a point to this?” Mana asked, who had listened to the whole story quietly with an unreadable expression on his face.

            “Yeah, the point is I know what it's like for people not to understand,” Kami replied. “And even those that do might not be right for you, it's better to wait for that right person than to end up with the wrong one. My first relationship, I spent a lot of it living in fear. He knew I didn't return his feelings and threatened me to keep me there by his side. He didn't hit me, he knew I'd walk if he did that, his games were psychological and a lot more damaging.”

            “You have a strange way of cheering somebody up,” Mana commented. “Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I now feel sorry for you.”

            “That wasn't the point,” Kami replied laughing it off. “I was just trying to let you know that I understand.”

            “Ask me the question.” Mana ordered and Kami gave him a small smile before doing just that.

            “When was the last time you were kissed?” Kami asked.

            “A few days before I met you,” Mana replied. “Since then I've only had eyes for one man.”

            “One man...” Kami repeated. “Could it be me?”

            “I don't know. Can it?” Mana asked and pausing for a moment Kami knew the answer that was right for him.

            “You can.” Kami replied, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Mana's slender frame before their lips met in a gentle kiss. Sure, he may not understand the way Mana felt towards a person’s gender, or why he loved to be the centre of attention but he understood what was important. The things that made Mana laugh and the things that could make Mana cry. He understood who Mana truly was and knew that the guitarist was more than capable of making him happy. He just hoped he could return the favour.


End file.
